just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
