Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
only you would photoshop your dick
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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