Grow some girl-balls and come out already
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize