please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Quick, to the slutcave!
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
