she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
