Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
