the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
