Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
