carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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