we made out on top of his cat.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
