Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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