At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize