Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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