guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
