god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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