Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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