I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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