So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
