I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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