You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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