she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
