Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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