You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Panties = found
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