guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
