Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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