do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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