so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
