Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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