Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
