even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
