woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
