I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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