I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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