think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
