My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
