there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
