Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Randomize
