You made me cry and you don't even care
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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