I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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