I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
