The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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