I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
