i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
