Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
