I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He passed out mid-signature
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize