I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
