My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
