never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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