I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
