mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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