can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
