well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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