I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
