I hate all girls vehemently.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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