stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
