so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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