a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize