I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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