Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
