Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
