ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
