i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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