You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
