Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
