very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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