He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
