i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
