Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
