that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Randomize
