I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Farmville is her only friend.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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