census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
