i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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