So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
