I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize