I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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