the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize