We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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