At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Let's get the cat blown out
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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