he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
