I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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