these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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