fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
