There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
