I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
