So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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