my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
