And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
