super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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