Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
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