We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
