i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
