I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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