so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
