wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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