i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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