In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize