fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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