8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
