I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
