Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
