I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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