Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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