My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
