I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
