I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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