The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
