Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
