i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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