OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
